literature

The Mask

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Literature Text

I'm not okay.
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I have a constant cloud over my head. I feel so disconnected. Like I'm not really there.
I cry and cry for no reason. And when I run out of tears and can't cry anymore I feel numb. Blank. Like I'm empty.
And then there's the voice. Not my voice. Something else.
It's been there for years. Whispering to me at night. Taunting me. Telling me I'm a loser. Worthless. Unwanted. That I'll never be good enough. That I don't deserve love. I don't deserve to live.
I try to ignore it. Push it to the side. Blank it out of my mind.
But it's shouting louder and louder. It won't leave me alone. Won't be ignored.
It hurts my head. I shout and scream to try and block it out. I claw at my skull to try and get it out. I tell myself it'll leave me alone if I wait long enough. And sometimes it does. I curl up in the corner with my head in my hands waiting. Willing it to go away.
But sometimes it seems easier to give in.
It shuts up if I do what it wants. So I cut, purge, drink. And it goes away. But it never leaves me alone for long. It always comes back to haunt me again.
But as long as I keep a smile on my face. Laugh at the right moments and tell everyone I'm fine. No one knows what goes on in my head. No one sees behind my mask. No one can help me.
I want to reach out. I want to let someone in. I want someone to talk to. Someone who will listen to me.
But it tells me I'm stupid. No one cares about the lost little girl. No one wants me.
So I stay silent. I hide behind my mask. And watch as it takes over.
I can't fight it anymore.
So this happened.
I wrote this at like 3 am so please don't judge if it's shit.
I've been really depressed and I wanted to write something to express it.
It's really short but I'd like to do more stories and they'll be longer.
I have a really dark and disturbed imagination so they'll probably all be really depressing but I hope you like them anyway.
Comment if you have any suggestions or topics you'd like me to cover.
Let me know what you think. Feel free to leave constructive criticism.
DO NOT REPOST UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
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